


Nightmares

by SavingShae



Category: Castle (TV 2009)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Stabbing, assume he is sick for the mission or something, hurting Javier, no Castle in the story but he does exist, overprotective Ryan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:40:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23710048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SavingShae/pseuds/SavingShae
Summary: After catching a killer goes wrong and Javier Esposito ends up with nightmares, how will he handle it?
Relationships: Javier Esposito/Kevin Ryan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	Nightmares

It had all started normal. A perp who had attacked three nightclubs, always on a friday night. Two were killed at the first one, two at the second, and one at the final. Now that they had an idea of what they were dealing with, they were putting someone under cover. And that someone just happened to be Detective Javier Epsosito. 

Eposito had volunteered to go undercover. This was originally his and his partner Detective Kevin Ryan’s case after all. And Epsosito seemed to fit the type of the woman, judging by the fact that all the previous victims were tall, tan, and built. Not to mention that it was rare anyone got to go overcover these days, and Epsotito was itching to do something like this. It also didn’t help that the only other person who could go undercover was Ryan, and there was no way Esposito was going to let his partner deal with this perp. 

They knew mostly what they were dealing with. A woman, who liked having sex her men before she killed them. Whether that was consensual sex or not they didn’t know. And honestly, they didn’t care in terms of the case and a conviction. As long as they could connect her to the murders, she would be going away for a very long time anyways. The only thing they didn’t know what exactly she looked like. They knew she had dark brown hair, almost black, and that she was on the shorter side. She was also not white, or at least not fully white. All they needed was for her to try and catch Esposito, and then they would nab her as he took her out of the club. 

“You know the plan Espo?” Kate Beckett, the team leader, asked once more. 

Esposito sighed. “Yes Mom. I go in, no wire and no gun, since I won’t need it since she likes to kill at their homes. Get her out either the front or back entrance, where you will be waiting to take her. Don’t be in there for more than two hours, since the men never are there before 9 and never leave after 11. If I don’t catch her we will have to wait another two weeks before we try this again, unless we catch her before that.”

Beckett nodded. “Yes, very good. And do not call me mom, unless you want me to call you Espy.” It was a hated nickname by Esposito. You could only call him it once without needing a hospital trip. 

Esposito griminiced. “Fine Beckett.” He said. “Are you done adjusting my shirt collar? Can I go in now?” He wanted to find this bitch and get this whole thing over with. 

Beckett nodded. “Everyone ready?” She asked the people in the mobile station with her. When she got a chorus of responses, she let Esposito leave. 

Ryan stopped him though. “You have your phone, right?” He needed to know that his partner had at least something on him. 

Esposito nodded. “Yes Ryan. Of course. You can text me whenever you want tonight. If I don’t respond, I’ve probably got her though. Don’t worry about me, that’s my job to do to you.” 

Ryan just sighed and nodded. “Okay Espo. Whatever you say.” He said. He just had a terrible feeling about this, one that he couldn’t explain. One of those feelings in the pit of your stomach that can only mean something bad is going to happen. 

Esposito left the van, and entered the club. He looked at his watch. 21:14. 9:14pm. Now it started. 

~~~~~

Ryan glanced at his own watch. “Beckett. It’s 11:07.” He was anxious. This wasn’t good news at all. 

Beckett sighed. “He’s fine. If he isn’t back at 11:15, we can go in and look for him. Quietly.” She said. She assumed Esposito had just gotten wrapped up in dancing at the beginning or something. She knew how he was. She knew he wanted to go out, but with their long hours that was basically impossible to do. She had assumed he had used this as a little bit of an excuse to party. And honestly, she didn’t mind. As long as the perp got caught, she didn’t really care how it happened. 

Ryan watched the clock with a new anger at how slow time felt. Each second seemed to last hours. He knew something was wrong. He could just feel it. Him and Esposito had been partners for so long, they were incredibly in sync. Not to mention the crush that Ryan had had on Esposito since the day they were matched up as partners. Sure, it took a few weeks for Esposito to be used to Ryan, but once he was they were basically inseparable. 

Kevin Ryan was very bi. However, he had known from a young age though that having a man as a life partner was not a great option. Growing up in a religious household, he didn’t want to think about what his parents would do if he brought home a man for the holidays. So he had kept himself confined to only dating women. Then he met Javier Esposito and decided dating no one would be better than dating someone but still pining for his partner. So he kept his mouth shut and his feelings pushed down for a long time. 

When the clock struck 11:17, he looked at Beckett. “Storm? Or trickle in?” 

She thought for a moment. “You go in. If you find him, radio. If you can’t find him, also radio. I’ll give you five minutes. If after that you can’t find him, I will have us storm and raid.” She said. “Go find your partner.” 

Ryan jumped up, fixing his shirt before running out and walking out into the club. 

He could instantly smell it. The smell of a club. Sweat, sex, and alcohol. He hated clubs. Too loud and bright for his personal taste. He could see why Esposito would like it though, the pure energy of being a room like this. Esposito. Focus, find Esposito.

He walked around for a minute, getting his bearings. Once he made it to the rear, he saw a small hallway which led to a door. That was the back door. He walked down it, and saw another small door in the hallway. Looking around and seeing no staff, he opened the door, hand on his weapon just in case. He saw stairs going down. He quickly radioed to Beckett to explain what he was doing, and began going down the old wooden steps. They creaked, but not too loudly. At least he hoped not too loudly. He kept one hand on his gun as he kept his eyes open. 

When he got to the bottom, he glanced around. Looked like any old club basement to him. Lots of storage, extra bottles of liquor, extra lights, that sort of thing. But there was another room, and he could hear many noises coming from it. He walked toward it, gun drawn. He put his ear to the door and after hearing nothing but a woman’s voice, decided to knock. “NYPD, open up!” 

All the noises in the room stopped. He heard cursing, along with some banging. The noise he heard above it all was a cry for help from inside. Normally Esposito would break down the doors, given the fact that he was ex Special Forces. But Esposito was not here, no he was inside that room. That is what gave Ryan the strength to break down the door. His shoulder was going to hurt like a bitch later, but he didn’t care. “NYPD! Hands where I can see them!” He yelled.

He looked around the room. It was a weird room to have in the basement of a club. It had a small bed in it, and when Ryan looked he could barely look away. On the bed was his partner, naked, bleeding, and tied up. Next to him was an IV pole, with a line of who knows what going into him. And then there was the woman, wearing only a bra and holding a knife with a lot of fresh blood on it. 

Ryan spoke into his radio. “Beckett, basement. We’re gonna need a bus.” He kept his gun trained on the woman until backup came down. Once he could, he holstered his weapon and ran to Esposito’s side. 

“Hey buddy. You’re okay. It’s gonna be fine. An ambulance is on the way. You’re gonna be just fine.” He stood right by his partner, taking off his jacket and laying it over Esposito to try and give him some sense of dignity. 

Once the paramedics arrived they shooed Ryan away and took off with Esposito. He looked at Beckett. “Mind if I follow the ambulance?” He asked, heart racing. 

Beckett nodded. “We got her, don’t worry.” She said, sending Ryan off. She knew all about his crush. She was a detective for goodness sakes. She could tell when someone was in love. 

~~~~~

Kevin sat and waited. He needed to know that his partner was going to be okay. Yeah, they had been through a lot worse together, but still. You never want to see your partner like… that. He ran his fingers through his hair so many times he was worried he was going to start pulling it out. He knew there was logically nothing he could do, and yet he still felt like he should be doing something. 

Becket sent him a quick text. ‘Full confession to all 5, plus obviously Espo. She’s gonna be put away for a long time.’

Kevin replied back with a simple text. ‘Thanks. No word on Epso yet. Still waiting.’

Kate couldn’t believe this. She should have never agreed to let this mission happen. And yet, she did. She’s even the one who came up with the whole plan in the first place. She hadn’t anticipated this. 

Ryan stood up and started pacing, not knowing what else to do with himself at the moment. He just wanted to see his partner. 

“Visitors for Javier Esposito?” A nurse came out and called. 

Kevin almost tackled her with how quickly he came running. “I’m here for him. Kevin Ryan.” He introduced himself. At least she should know his name if he almost tackled her. 

“Ah. He’s been asking for you. Nothing bad with the injuries. Just some shallow cuts, although there were a few deeper ones. And he’s pretty bruised up. He should make a full recovery. And the drug cocktail he was given is totally out of his system. We’re gonna keep him overnight, just to make sure that the drugs won’t react or anything, but he should be free to go first thing tomorrow. You can see him now.” She pointed to a room. 

Kevin went in. He heard a voice. 

“If you aren’t Kevin Ryan, get the hell out of my room and let me sleep.” Javier said with his eyes closed. The room was dark, as the outside. It was almost 1am at this point.

“Good thing I’m Kevin Ryan then.” Kevin said, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him. He walked over to Javier’s bedside, and pulled up a chair, sitting down in it. “Hey bro. How’re you feeling?” 

Javier chuckled. “Like total shit. I don’t know why I need to be here. I’ve just got a few cuts and a lot of bruises. That’s no good reason to keep me here.” 

“But being pumped full of drugs is. They just want to keep you safe Javi. If it turns out that all the drugs aren’t out of your system and something happens, they want you to be safe.” 

“Trust me, they’re gone. Long gone.” He said. 

“How do you know?” Kevin asked, wanting nothing more than to hold Javier’s hand but also knowing he probably didn’t want that. But that’s what Javier would do if Kevin was the one in the hospital bed, right? So why couldn’t he do that for Javier?

“It was a paralyzer. I could hear everything, see everything, feel everything, smell, taste, the whole shebang. But I couldn’t move any part of me. Now, I can definitely move. So trust me when I say that it is all out of my system.” He looked at Kevin. “You good?” 

Kevin chuckled. “You’re the one in the hospital bed, and you’re asking ME if I’m okay? I’m totally fine, just upset I didn’t come in and find you sooner.” He said, making a decision and grabbing his partner’s hand and giving it a little squeeze. He just wanted to comfort his partner. Normally a bro hug or a back slap would be good, but neither of those was really an option. So a hand squeeze was the best he was gonna get. 

Javier sighed. “It’s not your fault. And see, I’m fine. It’ll only take me a few days to be totally fine again. I can probably even go back to work tomorrow or the next day. Don’t worry, you’re not gonna lose me that easily.” He said gently. “Till the wheels fall off, remember?” 

Kevin smiled and nodded. “Till the wheels fall off.” He squeezed his hand again. “I’m gonna go, you get some sleep. I’ll come pick you up in the morning when you’re able to be discharged, okay?” He said softly. 

Javier nodded slightly. “Okay. I’ll plan on you.” He said, yawning. “Bye Kevin.”

“Bye Javi.” Kevin squeezed his hand one last time and then left the room. 

~~~~~

True to his word, Kevin was there as soon as he could be. He was waiting very impatiently for Javier to be ready to be discharged. He didn’t have to wait long though. 

Javier was given his instructions and told he could return to work the following day. Today though he still needed to rest, and take it easy. Apparently the drugs were still making their way out of his system. 

Kevin was right there, waiting for him. “Feel good to be going home?” 

Javier nodded. “Better than you could imagine.” But he had a secret. He hadn’t told them everything that had happened in that room. He couldn’t tell them. Even if it wasn’t true, Javier believed it made him weak. And he could not let the others see him weak. “If you just get me to my building I can get to my own apartment just fine.” 

Kevin nodded. “Alright. But I want you to text me if you need anything, okay? I can try and stop at lunch-” 

“Bro, I’m fine. It’s just some cuts and bruises. No need to visit me.” He said. 

Kevin nodded. “Okay fine. But are you still planning on Madden next week Friday?” 

Javier nodded. “Wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

~~~~~

It was the next Friday, and Esposito was really rethinking about playing Madden that evening with Ryan. 

First off, he hadn’t been sleeping well, which made him crabby and grumpy. No one liked a grumpy or crabby Esposito, especially not one on one where there was no escape from his bad mood. Second was the reason for his poor sleep. He had been having terrible dreams about the night a week ago. Horrible dreams, nightmares really. And oftentimes after nights of Madden and beer, they slept over at each other’s places. And Esposito really didn’t want to wake up Ryan with his nightmares, or even let him know about the nightmares at all. After all, they made him weak. And Esposito was supposed to be the protector, the one who was always strong and tough. He couldn’t be weak, no he couldn’t. Not for the sake of his team. And definitely not for Ryan. 

He had basically had a crush on Kevin Ryan since the first day they were introduced. The way Javier Esposito chose to deal with his feelings is to pretend like he hated the guy until they dissipated. But then the cute boy with blue eyes just had to save his ass, so then he had no reason to hate him. After that they just fell into a great partnership and friendship, and there was no way Esposito was going to jeopardize that for some kissing. So he shoved his feelings down and just had a great friendship with the boy, no matter how much more he wanted. 

So he walked into work that morning with the intent to tell Ryan never mind, no thanks, can’t make it tonight, so sorry. But when he walked in and saw Ryan’s smile that morning, he couldn’t go through with it. So it would have to be at Ryan’s, and he just would come up with some excuse to leave a little earlier than normal, make sure that he got home alone. 

Of course, Kevin couldn’t let that happen. When Javier stepped into the apartment of his best friend, Kevin had all his favorites. His favorite pizza, beer, version of Madden, everything. It was literally his ideal Madden night. 

“I even put clean sheets on the bed in the guest room for you.” Kevin said from the kitchen.

Shit. “Uh, thanks.” Javier said softly. “I wasn’t planning on staying the night though. Had some plans in the morning, wanted to make sure I got to those.” He said. What were these plans? He had no idea, but he just needed Kevin to not see him sleep with his nightmares. 

Kevin frowned, but nodded in understanding. “Makes sense. Well then, let’s get this party started, so we can at least enjoy what time we do have.” 

And enjoy the time they did. They spent the next few hours playing Madden, drinking beer, eating pizza, and talking. Javier could almost forget about the terror of last week. Almost. 

Way too soon for either of their likings honestly, Javier announced he was heading home. He got up, started to clean the room up a bit, and went on his way, despite it only being 10:30pm and them normally staying up until at least 1 or 2 am together on these sort of nights. 

Kevin sat in his now empty apartment, not knowing what to do with himself. He felt it was too early to go to bed, but he didn’t really have anything to do. In the end, he settled on cleaning everything up well and going to bed. That only took him until 11, so he ended up asleep by 11:30. 

Javier on the other hand couldn’t sleep. He didn’t want to sleep. He had gone home and now that he was alone in his home he laid on the couch and tried to close his eyes. He had given up a few days ago trying to sleep in his bed, as it was too similar still to the feeling of the other bed. The couch felt different, so he slept there. 

When he could finally get through the fear and actually fall asleep that is. He hated closing his eyes, because when he did he could see her, right above him. He could feel her, and everything she was doing. When he closed his eyes, he was back in that basement of that club. Javier was never stepping foot in another club ever again. He took a deep breath, and at some point ended up falling asleep. 

Peaceful slumber did not last very long for him however. He could never go into a very deep sleep on the couch, which meant he spent more time in the dream world. And today was particularly horrific. 

_ The room was darker than he remembered. Javier was lying on his back, on that terrible bed. She straddled him, running her unburdened hand up and down his chest. Occasionally she would stop and stab him with the knife. Only instead of the shallow cuts he remembered, these were deep. She would twist the knife per the number stab it was. He knew bruises probably littered his body from how much he already ached from her too tight gripping and her angry punches when he didn’t respond to her fast enough. He knew where this would eventually end up, and he was already crying in the dream.  _

_ He felt it. He felt her grab it and stroke it. He couldn’t escape. With one motion she was on top of him, and he was forced inside her. However this time she laid there and began to choke him, making it so he couldn’t breathe. And for the first time ever in a dream, she spoke.  _

_ “Kevin won’t save you. He can’t save you. Your ego gets in the way. If you hadn’t been cocky and insisted on doing this alone you wouldn’t be with me. You would be with Kevin. But no, your arrogance ruins everything. So cry for Kevin, but he won’t ever come.”  _

Javier woke up with a scream. Boy was he glad that their apartment building had fairly thick walls. He was sobbing. He couldn’t do this. The girl couldn’t be right. Kevin would come… right? Kevin would come for him? 

He grabbed his phone, not even registering that it said 2:43 on the screen when unlocking it. He simply grabbed it, unlocked it, and found Kevin’s contact, and pressed the button to call him. 

Kevin was awoken by the familiar ringtone of his best friend and partner. He grabbed the phone, however he did register the time. What was going on? They never worked the night shift, so it wasn’t a body of any kind. He picked up. “Hello?”

On the other end of the line Javier couldn’t hold back his sobs. “I need help. I need you.” He managed to get out between his cries and his need to get in air as well. 

Kevin was already out of bed and yanking on shoes. He was glad he had decided to wear sweats and a t-shirt to bed tonight. “Okay Javi. I’m coming. Are you at your apartment, or somewhere else?” He grabbed his keys and locked his apartment door behind him. He ran down all three flights of stairs as he figured the elevator would be far too slow. 

“Apartment.” He responded, not being able to control himself. He had no idea what was happening. He had never had a proper panic attack before. Yes he had had nightmares and woken up shaky and screaming before, but nothing like this. This was extreme even for him. 

Kevin was so grateful that taxis were still running at this hour, and better yet that there was practically no traffic. He grabbed a cab, and paid in advance. He also gave him the address. “I’ll pay for your ticket, get me there NOW.” He basically growled at the driver. 

The driver stepped on it. The whole time, Javier just kept crying into the phone since he didn’t have the energy for basically anything else at the moment while Kevin repeatedly told him it was going to be alright. 

In just under five minutes, which was record time, Kevin was running up the stairs to Javier’s apartment. He used his key that Javier had given him to get in, hanging up as he did so. He opened the door to a terrible sight. 

Javier was sitting on the couch, head hung low and tears still falling. He looked like a total wreck. 

Kevin walked over after shutting the door. “Javi? Can I touch you?”

Javier practically launched himself at Kevin once he had sat down. He got a new round of energy, tears starting to flow once more. He held on tight, not caring that he was practically crushing Kevin. 

Kevin just gathered Javier into his lap as best as he could, put Javier’s ear to his heartbeat so he had something to ground himself with, and began to gently rub his back. He didn’t say anything, knowing that first Javier had to get all of this out. Kevin had a feeling all these tears weren’t just caused by one thing. He assumed it was a lot of bottling things up for the past week, and something happened tonight that was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

After far too long for Kevin’s personal comfort, Javier began to calm down. He wasn’t crying anymore. He was exhausted, but even in his exhaustion he could label one emotion he didn’t feel: fear. He felt safer right now than he had at any moment the past week, including in the precinct which was full of cops. Right here, in Kevin’s arms in his own apartment, he felt safe. Well, okay. He felt much safer, but he didn’t know if he felt safe yet. 

Kevin kept his hand moving across Javier’s back. “Hey Javi. How about I get up and get you some water? Then we can either talk, or get you to bed.” He said softly. 

Javi shook his head. “No. Don’t go. Anywhere.” He said seriously. 

Kevin sighed. “But Javi, you need water. You did a lot of crying. You need more water in you.” He said gently. “Do you want to get up and walk with me? Or do you want to stay here and count to twenty with me? If you count to twenty, I promise I will be back.” He said softly. 

Javier thought. He knew it was childish, but he really wanted to be right next to Kevin. However, he also knew that it would make getting water cumbersome and difficult. “Twenty. But please be fast.” He said. 

Kevin nodded. “I will be so fast. Count with me, okay?” He untangled them, and began counting as soon as they were separated. He counted at a normal rate, but was also back by fifteen. 

As soon as Kevin was back, Javier once again latched onto him. He settled into the same position as before. He slowly sipped the water, grateful that Kevin had put a straw in the glass so he didn’t need to hold it and tip it up. 

Kevin used his free hand that wasn’t rubbing Javier’s back to hold the glass as his best friend slowly sipped the water. Once all the water was gone, he set the glass on the floor. “Now, I think we need to talk.” 

Javier began to cry again, although not like before. He told him everything, about how he had tried so hard to lure her out but she insisted she knew the club owner and knew where he took his special ladies so she wanted to try it out on her special man. How he had decided to entertain her and let her show him. How once they were down there she immediately injected him with the first dose of the paralytic before spreading him out, tying him up, and inserting the IV into him. How she had teased him with the knife, punching him each time he didn’t respond fast enough. And then he stopped talking. There was more, but he was so worried about Kevin’s reaction to it. 

Kevin could tell that Javier was holding something back. “It’s okay Javi. I promise. Tell me all of it. Get it all off your chest.” He said. 

Javier took a breath and finished. Finished by telling him about what she did. How she touched him and he promised that he didn’t want it but his body was just reacting to her touching and then she had put herself on him and he was inside her and he didn’t want this!

Kevin began quietly shushing him, noticing how his heart rate and breathing had picked up speed. “Shhhh. It’s okay. I’m right here. You’re right here. And she is going away for a long time.”

Javier finished by saying she had just gotten off and was rambling about how she was going to probably slice his throat when Kevin had burst in and saved him. 

“Thank you.” Javier said. “I don’t know if I said thank you.” He reflected seriously. 

Kevin now had tears in his eyes. “Oh Javi… why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He whispered to him. “This must be why you haven’t been getting enough sleep. No wonder. That’s such a terrible thing to go through.” 

Javier looked at him in confusion. “But don’t you think I’m… weak?” 

Now it was Kevin’s turn to look confused. “Javier Esposito, the last thing you are is weak. You are so incredibly strong. It’s one of the many things I love so much about you. And this, this does not make you weak. This is not your fault. If it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else, who she would have killed. And then we may have taken so many more bodies to catch her. You went through that, and while you never should have needed to, that helped bring her to justice. Like I said, you should NOT have needed to go through that. Hell, knowing that is what went on in that basement I would literally take your place in a heartbeat. No one deserves that.” He said seriously. 

Javier took his words and just listened. He didn’t believe him, but he also really did not want to fight with Kevin right now. “You sure? You don’t want to transfer or have me transfer because your partner is a stupidass man who shouldn’t even be called a man because-”

“Till the wheels fall off. And the wheels haven’t even begun to yet Javi. I’m here with you to the end man. And you are a man. If you weren’t, I don’t know if I would love you like I do.” He said. 

Javier noticed the words “I love you” felt different tonight than they usually did. And he wanted, oh how badly he felt he needed those words to mean what he thought they meant. So, he made his move. He looked KEvin directly in the eye and spoke. “I love you Kevin Ryan.” Then he kissed him. 

It was soft but needy. There was a desperate need for reassurance in the kiss. You could taste the saltiness from the tears mixed with the saliva. 

Of course Kevin kissed back, but not for as long as he would have liked. He pulled back. “I love you too Javier Esposito. And I would love to kiss you more. But it is late, and you need good sleep. Not couch sleep, bed sleep.” He noticed the frightened look that returned to Javier’s eyes when he spoke about the bed. “But I will be there with you. We will cuddle all night. And tomorrow there is no way we are going to work or doing anything other than talking. We are talking about what happened to you and how you feel and about us and that amazing kiss and the future and the Knicks and so many other things. But tonight you need to sleep.” 

Javier considered that to be an amazing plan. He simply nodded along. Cuddling with Kevin would be nice. Even if it didn’t help with the nightmares, though JAvier was pretty sure they would, at least Kevin would be there to help him calm down when he did wake up. 

So they went to the bedroom and curled up together under the covers. And for the first night since the event that split his world into before and after, that horrible Friday night, he slept soundly, without any nightmares at all. 


End file.
